Madness
by Fish-Inton
Summary: Once again, the four 'philes run into the good doctor... is this the end? *COMPLETED* for now anyway...
1. At home

I don't own the GD, MorbID or Sam or Saavik, I own myself and I don't own Anthony Hopkins either... I'm just a kid, don't sue!  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Fish and MorbID were booooooooored... in fact, Morb had gotten so bored she had fallen asleep and nearly drowned in her cereal.  
  
"At least we'll have company later..." Fish said to Morb who was now shaking in the corner and whimpering.  
  
"Yeah, company, company, company, company..." MorbID repeated in a mantra to herself.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
It was just after midnight, Sam and Saavik had joined Fish and Morb and everyone was laughing and joking. Fish was typing on the pc like a madwoman to her friend, Cath. Doctor Lecter, Fish and MorbID's house mate person who shares the mortage and acts like a grumpy neighbour most of the time suddenly appeared next to Fish.  
  
"It's past your bedtime."  
  
"Yah... and?"  
  
"Go to your room."  
  
"No."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Right, you're grounded."  
  
"HUH?! NO FAIR!!!"  
  
Suddenly, the screen maximised and the good doctor could see what was being typed about... Hannibal toilet paper and Vanilla Coke...  
  
"What are you doing? Are you dealing online?!"  
  
"Erm... no."  
  
"Go to your room, I'll deal with your friends." MorbID chose this moment to gulp audibly.  
  
"I can do it." Fish said, turning the pc off and stopping Lecter from approaching her friends.  
  
"You're grounded, for two weeks... room now!"  
  
"Umm... nope, nopey... no."  
  
"Fine, then tell me, were you dealing online?"  
  
"SHE WAS!!!" MorbID blurted suddenly.  
  
"OH, THANKS A BUNCH, MORB!"  
  
"Both of you to your rooms!"  
  
"Gagh!"  
  
"Huh?!"  
  
"Nooooo!" Morb began to run around the room like crazy, Fish got her rubber harpy out and pointed it threateningly at the doctor.  
  
"Heh! Beat this!" she said triumphantly  
  
"Okey-Dokey, I will..." with that, the good doctor produced from his inside pocket, a real harpy. He flashed the harpy and gave a wicked grin.  
  
"Umm... I'm going to my room now!" Fish ran over to Sam and Saavik, who had remained quiet. MorbID stood behind the doctor, not moving at all.  
  
"Morb, help!"  
  
"Morbie?" Doctor Lecter said in a sing song voice.  
  
"Ga?"  
  
"Stay there." He commanded.  
  
"Ooookay then."  
  
"EDWARD IS A GIRL!" Fish yelled for some reeeeally weird reason nobody has quite worked out yet. Suddenly, Fish began to float around the room. Sam tsk tsked and looked at Morb, the doctor and Fish.  
  
"Now, children... play nicely!"  
  
"Yeah," Saavik agreed with Sam. The good doctor (well, bad at the moment) approached Fish, she floated away from him.  
  
"Did I not say you were grounded?!" the doctor raised an eyebrow, "Go to your room... NOW!" Fish suddenly had a brainwave.  
  
"Catch me if you can!" and with that, she flew off around the house to the kitchen, picking up a large and oversized wooden spoon. Suddenly, MorbID jumped on Fish's back and began to hit her with a saucepan lid.  
  
"OW! Morb! What're you doing?!" Fish yelled, "I was going to save us from the evil doctor!" Fish began to lower as the flying power wore off.  
  
"I don't need saving! I am on his side! He'd never hurt ME!" MorbID yelled at Fish and stood in front of the GD.  
  
"Really, wouldn't I?" The doctor asked MorbID.  
  
"Uh-uh, nope." Morb turned around calmly and plucked the harpy from his grasp. The doctor simply got another out from up his sleeve. Morb gulped. "Then again," just as she was about to run, the doctor grabbed her by the collar of her t-shirt.  
  
"May I suggest running?" Sam said.  
  
"I second that suggestion!" Saavik agreed again and they both ran up the stairs.  
  
"I'll be right back!" Sam said to Fish.  
  
"What?! THIS IS NO TIME FOR A LOO BREAK PEOPLE!" Fish considered the situation. "WAIT! TAKE SOME HANNIBAL LOO ROLL, THEN IT'S ALL WORTHWHILE!"  
  
"I have toilet roll now?!" Hannibal asked, still holding Morb by the back of her top.  
  
"Okay, I'll take some." Sam said and took the roll from Fish, heading upstairs.  
  
The good/bad doctor looked angry.  
Saavik is upstairs.  
Sam has gone to the toilet, upstairs.  
Fish is looking on in horror as MorbID squirms in the vice-like grip of doctor Lecter. She runs...  
  
"I'll be back for you, Morb! We'll survive!"  
  
"OH, SURE! YOU AND WHAT ARMY?!" MorbID yelled up at Fish.  
  
"Why, the army of burnt ducks of course." Fish could be heard from upstairs.  
  
"OH YEAH!" Morb yelled some more.  
  
Doctor Lecter decided to drag Morb outside, cut the electricity and then drag her inside and tie her to a chair.  
  
"Now the fun can begin!" he exclaimed gleefully. Morb simply gave a snort. "Now, tell me truly, 'Morbie', what DO you know about this loo roll scam with my name all over it?" Morb raised an eyebrow and took in a deep breth, breaking into a song like a mad goose (hey, it's not ducks this time!):  
  
"It's quality, it's cool!  
So much better than what we get at school  
Just do what you gotta do,  
Use doctor Lecter's when you're on the looooooooooo!"  
  
The doctor went pale and began a frantic search for strong sellotape to shut MorbID up.  
  
Upstairs, Saavik was tripping over everything, including invisible coffee tables!  
  
"Okay, we need a plan." Fish said.  
  
"DAMN RIGHT YOU NEED A PLAN!" MorbID yelled.  
  
"SHUT UP! HOW CAN YOU HEAR ANYWAY?!" Fish yelled down the stairs, nearly tripping over an invisible coffee table.  
  
"YOU MUST NEVER ASK-" Morb began to yell.  
  
"IT SPOILS THE SURPRISE!" The doctor's voice sounded weird when he yelled, Sam giggled.  
  
"WHAT YOU DONE WITH MORB, DOC?!" Saavink yelled downstairs.  
  
"SHUT HER UP FOR A WHILE!" Came the reply.  
  
"WHATEVER!" Saavik yelled again and then became quiet again.  
  
"Okay, I suggest we..." Fish trailed off when she caught sight of the pink ballet garment on the coathanger in the corner. It quivered.  
  
"All who think we should get out of the room say 'I'" Sam said.  
  
"I!" Saavik and Fish chorused, then Saavik went weird, Fish ran with Sam out of the room. Saavik began to whisper like David Attenborough, staring at the tutu.  
  
"Here, we see the pink and unmentionable garment of doom, capable of robbing an innocent being of their sanity. Observe as it quivers and stirs... uh-oh..." Saavik ran out of the room but didn't shut the door. She ran into the room she thought Fish and Sam were in, but she couldn't see them, suddenly, she was grabbed by the ankles and dragged under a chair with Fish and Sam.  
  
"Hey, we can all fit under a chair?!" Sam questioned.  
  
"It's a rocking chair." Fish reminded her.  
  
"Right." Sam said and nodded in understanding.  
  
When the tutu had finally gone to sleep again and not looked about for the three all crammed under a rocking chair in a tiny room, there came a knock at the door. It was Tony, the pizza guy. Fish opened the window and waved to get his attention, he stared at the window in amazement as Fish and Sam waved.  
  
"CHEESE AND PEPPERONI?!" he yelled up at them.  
  
"RIGHT HERE!" Fish yelled back, Sam grabbing her ankle to stop her falling from the window.  
  
"Tip him reeeeeeeeal well..." Saavik said to them, Tony however, could not hear.  
  
"That has many different meanings..." Sam said back to Saavik, who was smiling. Fish dropped a few notes from the window.  
  
"WOOHOO! TIP!" Tony exclaimed joyfully.  
  
"TONY, COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOUR?!" Fish yelled, nearly toppling out of the window again.   
  
"WHAT?" he asked.  
  
"RUN INDOORS AND SAVE MORBID FROM THE CLUTCHES OF DOCTOR LECTER AND KNOCK HIM OUT AND TIE HIM TO THE CHAIR AND... WELL, STOP MORB BECOMING A NEW ADDITION TO CHILTON NOODLE SOUP... AN EXTENSION OF THE MENU, YOU DIG?!"  
  
"Whatever..." and with that, Tony ran indoors.  
  
"MMMMMMMMMmmmppppHH!" ("MY HERO!") MorbID yelled as Tony the pizza dude came into the ktchen carrying a pizza box. Fish suddenly came tumbling down the stairs, Sam and Saavik running down after her. The good doctor had just finished making the dip, he set the bowl on the side-counter. Tony set the pizza box down, Lecter grinned.  
  
"Ah, brother, you arrived just in time." The doctor said.  
  
"Brother?" Fish echoed.  
  
"Ga?!" Came Morb's muffled answer from behind the duct tape sticking her mouth shut.  
  
"Indeed, when're we eating, H?" Tony the pizza guy asked.  
  
"Well, I'll just cook the main dish and we can begin!" doctor Lecter replied to his 'brother'.  
  
"Goody goody," Tony the pizza delivery guy saw Morb tied to the chair, "Hello there, tasty little child." he removed the tape, "and how are we today?"  
  
"ONE! It's the morning! So it's this morning! TWO! I am going to be MorbID noodle soup! I'm just fine-diddly-o!" Morb's sarcasm was evident in her eyes and voice, both Tony the pizza guy and the doctor chuckled. Fish suddenly thought of a plan.  
  
"Plan B!" she yelled as she ran through the kitchen and grabbed the dip bowl from the side counter, running into the living room. She trips on the coffee table, the doctor and Tony arrive in the room, illuminated by a single candle and watch the dip and Fish fall over in almost slow motion...  
  
"MY DIP!" The doctor yelled.  
  
"MY CARPET!" Came Fish's strange yelp as she fell over.  
  
The dip was splattered everywhere. Sam and Saavik peeped around the corner.   
  
"Uh-oh..." Saavik said under her breath to Sam, they both began to laugh. "Even in the dark you can see the dip!" Saavik observed.  
  
"Tsk tsk tsk... you must learn to play nicely, chldren!" Sam commented.  
  
MorbID sat on the chair in the kitchen, forgotten. "HELP!" She attempted to scoot to the knife drawer but the chair toppled over and her face became mooshed into the floor. "MMMMM!" Came her call for help this time.  
  
"Will you excuse me for a second?" Fish said and slid across the dip on the floor to the kitchen where she propped Morb on her broken chair in the corner.  
  
"OH GREAT! YOU ORDER PIZZA, WE GET TONY, NOW WE FIND HE'S THE DOC'S BROTHER?! GAGH! THE CONFUSION! THE TOTAL MADNESS! I NEED CAFFEEEEEINE!" MorbID wailed as Fish edged away slowly.  
  
"Be right back!" and she ran back to the living room. Tony the pizza dude and Lecter cornered Fish and she thought of what to do... what to do... aha! Fish got her rubber harpy out again and pointed it at Tony the pizza guy, as a last ditch effort, she yelled at him:  
  
"YOUR FACE," she pointed at him, "IS MADE OF PLASTIC! TAKE IT OFF AT ONCE!" she commanded.  
  
"How did you know?!" Tony the pizza guy said back to her and began to peel his face off, revealing the torn up face of Mason Verger.  
  
"MASON?!" Lecter looked at Verger, completely surprised.  
  
"INDEED! I LIIIIIVE!" He screeched and laughed maniacally.  
  
Lecter and Verger lunged at each other and began tearing each other apart, bits of skin and flesh hit he wall and slid down on to the ruined carpet, forming a pile of red.  
  
"Chianti anyone?" Fish offered.  
  
"Any Dom Perignon?" Sam asked.  
  
"Yeppo," Fish tossed a bottle at Sam.  
  
"Mmmm... Chianti..." Saavik began to drool, adding to the mess on the carpet.  
  
"Chianti?!" The doctor pricked his ears up and looked hopefully at Fish.  
  
"I wasn't talking to YOU! Keep fighting!" Fish yelled at the doctor.  
  
"ARGH! DIIIIIIIIIE!!!" Mason yelled at the doctor and punched him in the face.  
  
"FINE!" doctor Lecter roared and began hitting Mason back.  
  
"That's the spirit!" Fish said and got a giant foam hand with '#1' written on it. The doctor's spare harpy suddenly flew into the kitchen.  
  
"FINALLY! I will be freeeeeeeeee!" MorbID cried in glee, scooting on the chair to the harpy on the floor, cutting the rope and coming from the kitchen with the pizza box.  
  
"Chilton noodle or Mason noodle soup?" she queried.  
  
"What's going?" Fish asked.  
  
"Mason's still alive." Morb pointed out.  
  
"Chilton for me then." Saavik said to Morb.  
  
"Same here." Fish agreed.  
  
Sam, however, was watching the doctor and Mason Verger attack each other.   
  
"I though I told you to play nicely!!!" she screamed at them and joined in, "Kurt's stick figures could fight better than this!" she sighed, picking up the doctor and Mason by their jacket necks. She hit their heads together and knocked them out then turned to see three astonished little people, staring at the unconscious forms of doctor Lecter and Mason Verger on the floor.  
  
"WOW!" they all said as they regarded Sam in total awe and wonder.  
  
"Chilton noodle soup sounds good to me." Sam said, as if nothing had just happened.  
  
"Chilton is good for noodle soup... it wouldn't be the same..." Fish began to drool on the carpet too.  
  
"Soooo... what now?" asked Morb, sorting out the necessary ingredients for Chilton Noodle Soup.  
  
"Why, we think up a new game!" Fish exclaimed.  
  
"Can we eat that pizza?" Sam asked.  
  
"Yeah..." Saavik tried the dip from the sofa, "Hey! Ths dip's gooooooood!"  
  
"Mmmmmm... diiiiiip!" MorbId and Fish began to drool, Sam just dug into the pizza and Verger and Lecter remained KOed on the floor.   
  
*~*~*~*  
  
This is where we leave the four mad 'philes for now... I thank MorbID and Sam and Saavik for allowing me to put them in this fic. I will also try to revive the GD...   
  
C.FISH/SHIFTER 


	2. At the Theme Park

Yes, people, I have decided to make this into... dun dun duuuun... [oh the suspense is killing me!] the MADNESS SERIES!  
  
Disclaimer: Apologies to Mr Harris, god and creator of all things Lecter... and to Sam, Saavik and MorbID once more, for I do not own them. Nor do I own the theme park, in fact, I'm making the theme park up, but for the record, I do not own Nelly the Elephant *shudder*, or the Inferno...   
  
*~*~*~*  
  
"I wanna go on the ghost traaaaain!" MorbID wailed as Sam and Saavik headed for the ferris wheel, Fish was dragging Morb along, following Sam and Saavik to the queue.  
  
"Later, okay?!" Fish told Morb firmly.   
  
"FINE!" Morb let Fish drag her the rest of the way. She stood once in the queue and stretched. "Sooo, how long does this one last?" She queried.  
  
"About ten minutes." Saavik said to MorbID, who was now eyeing the coffee shop. The four friends boarded a carriage and the ride went around.  
  
"I can see the ghost train!" yelled Morb, just to deafen everyone.   
  
"We all can!" Saavik responded, equally aggitated by MorbID's constant moaning and whining.  
  
"I know..." Morb replied and continued to look around.  
  
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, when will you learn to play nicely, children?" Sam sighed and looked out of her side. Could she see? Was that? It WAS!!!  
  
"HEY! LOOK DOWN THERE!" Sam cried out to the others who piled to that side of the carriage, now at the highest point. The carriage then tilted to the side because of all the weight being on one side.   
  
"GAGH!" cried Fish as her face was mooshed into the side of the small space they all sat in.  
  
"LOOK, FISHIE!" Saavik cried and pointed.  
  
"What did you call me?!" Fish managed to mumble into the bars of the carriage.  
  
"Erm... Fishpants! Look! It's HIM!" Saavik yelled in surprise.  
  
"WHO?!" Fish yelled, moving to the other side of the carriage, suddenly, the door opened and Sam, Saavik and MorbID all fell out.  
  
"GAGH!" Morb yelled, clinging to Sam's foot, who was clinging to an upside down Saavik, who was clinging to Fish, who was falling. Suddenly, before Fish let go, the ride moved again and MorbID got to the floor, then Sam dropped, Saavik fell next, and Fish calmly stepped from the carriage.  
  
"Now, WHO were we talking about?" Fish inquired seriously.  
  
"YOU KNOW WHO!" MorbID yelled at Fish.  
  
"Oh... riiiiight... really? HERE? At a theme park?!" Fish laughed aloud, but quickly stopped when she saw a man in casual jeans and a v-neck sweater walking around with a baseball cap and sunglasses on. MorbID shut Fish's mouth for her. Fish then dropped to the floor.   
  
"I can see birdies!" she exclaimed and lost consciousness.  
  
"Right, I suggest we get her somewhere she can wake up at." Sam said, and picked up Fish's arms. "I take arms, Saavik, you take legs, come on Morb." Sam instructed. Morb got a sheet of stickers from the shop and a cup of coffee.  
  
"COMING!" She called out and caught up with the other two and the unconscious dead weight of Fish.   
  
*~*~*~*  
  
It was 12:47pm when Fish awoke from her unconscious state. The park had closed early and they had been locked in, it was eerily quiet, the rides had stopped completely.  
  
"Hey! Where'd all the birdies go?! Feathers! FEATHERS?!" Fish sat up and looked around. "Never mind the birdies, where'd all the people go... he didn't eat 'em ALL surely?!" Fish looked around in a panic. Morb was messing around, she had stickers all over her face.  
  
"Want a gold star, Fishpants?!" She gave Fish a gold star.  
  
"Thanks!"  
  
"We'll be right back!" Sam and Saavik rushed to the toilets to laugh aloud at MorbID's completely hyper state and Fish's sudden awakening.  
  
"Do they have the OFFICIAL loo roll?!" MorbID questioned. Fish held up a hand to forestall any theme tunes.  
  
Fish put the gold star on her forehead, but it didn't stick. After about seven tries, it still didn't stick. Fish grabbed a mallet from her backpack and hit her forehead.   
  
"OW!" She exclaimed and rubbed her forehead... the star fell off. "Grrrrrr!"  
  
She hit her head with the mallet...  
  
"When..."  
  
Again,  
  
"Will..."  
  
Again,  
  
"This..."  
  
Again,  
  
"Stupid..."  
  
Again,  
  
"Star..."  
  
Again,  
  
"Stick?!"  
  
And once more for luck...  
  
"Uh... Fish, don't make me get the restraints!" Morb warned. Fish stopped and looked at MorbID, the star fluttered between them.  
  
"Grrrrrrraaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!" Fish yelled in aggravation.  
  
"STOP!" Morb commanded, Fish was instantly silent. Morb then produced from her bag... some glue! She stuck the star to Fish's head... it unstuck. "Grrrrrrr!" She growled at the star and put more glue on the forehead belonging to Fish.   
  
Sam and Saavik had finished laughing, however, they began to literally roll on the floor laughing when they returned to the sight of Fish, covered in glue, and MorbID, emptying the rest of the glue on to one tiny star and sticking it on to Fish's head.  
  
"THERE!" MorbID yelled triumphantly. Two seconds later, the star fell of again. "STUPID STAAAAAR!" Morb yelled at the star.  
  
"Who'd have thought it, MorbID and Fish, defeated by a little bit of gold sticky stuff." Sam mused, Saavik chuckled.  
  
"Indeed." Saavik said MorbID had somehow gotten her hand stuck to Fish's forehead.  
  
"So, we're locked in a theme park! WOOHOO!" Sam cried out in joy...  
  
"Yeah, woohoo..." said a gluey Fish glumly.  
  
"Why so down... you shouldn't... STICK to your problems.. move on with your life!"  
  
"That would be fine... IF I COULD MOVE!!!"  
  
"Oh dear..."  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Fish limped along, Saavik had managed to pull Morb's hand from Fish's forehead and Sam and Saavik had to pull Fish from the floor she was stuck to. The mallet also had to be prized from Fish's iron grip by Morb and Sam and Saavik altogether.  
  
"Remind me never to let Morb carry glue again." Fish groaned, surveying the empty theme park. The four were in the 'Desert' section... The Scorpion loomed over them, casting a long shadow.  
  
"Two barrel rolls, a corkscrew and four loop-de-loopies! Can you handle it?" Morb mumbled to Fish.  
  
"Bring it on..." Fish and MorbID grinned and ran for the ride. Saavik ran for the controls to the roller-coaster and Sam went to make the coffee machines work.  
  
"Let's go Saav!" Morb squealed in excitement, she was at the front and Fish was at the back. Saavik was studying the controls, there was verious buttons, levers and switches, making it that much more confusing. For some untold reason, Saavik's eyes were constantly drawn to the big green button that said 'ON'. Taking a wild guess, she pushed the button. There was a bang, a whoosh, a whirr and a meow (eh?!). Suddenly, the ride began... too fast.  
  
"Gagh!" They'd already been around the track once in the space of twelve seconds.  
  
"What..." twice.  
  
"The..." three times around.  
  
"Hell..." four.  
  
"Are you..." Morb was going a funny colour.  
  
"Doooooiiiiiiiing?!" MorbID screeched as the ride continued, then Fish began to complain.  
  
"Slow..." she yelled.  
  
"dooooown!" she cried out, also going a weird and non-fish-like colour. Then Saavik pressed another button, the ride stopped in mid-loop and went backwards.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaarrrrghhhhhh!!!" MorbID yelled.  
  
Saavik hadn't heard a word of what Fish and Morb had yelled at her, she was having fun! The profanities coming from Fish and MorbID went completely unnoticed and they continued to go backwards through corkscrews and then got stuck upside down on the giant Scorpion. Saavik kept on pulling levers, flipping switches and pushing buttons. The flames came on, the lights flashed and the roller-coaster went in slow motion, still rversing. As it inched to a stop, Morb yawned loudly.  
  
"Next?" Saavik asked, stepping from the control booth.  
  
"Eeeeeuuuugh!" MorbID and Fish groaned as their insides continued to flip around. They staggered dizzily to the exit. Morb's face brightened somewhat when she saw Sam, holding a tray of coffee and packets of sugar. She ran past Sam, grabbing ten sugar packets and a coffee and disappeared into the cotton candy stall. Fish followed, also taking sugar and coffee.  
  
"So," began Saavik to Sam, "you say you think you saw the doctor?"  
  
"Yep," Sam replied, "He went that-a-way..." she pointed to the 'Fairy' section of the park, which was by far the most pink and scary section of all.  
  
"Think he's still here?" Saavik asked.  
  
"I don't know Saav. I mean it's not like..." Sam trailed off when their conversation was interrupted. Saavik laughed and choked on her coffee.  
  
"DIE! EVIL ROBOT ROOSTER!" Came Fish's yell.  
  
"NEVER! I SHALL RULE THE WORLD AND NOT EVEN SUPER CHICKEN CAN STOP ME NOW!" Morb retaliated loudly. Sam and Saavik just stared on. MorbID and C. Fish were wrapped up in pink and green cotton candy, battling two action figures from the prize stall on the edge of the machine.  
  
"JUDO CHOP!" cried Super Chicken.  
  
"PARALLELOGRAM!" Robot Rooster yelled. Super Chicken flew over to Robot Rooster.  
  
"Feather Attack!" and then Robot Rooster let out a choking noise and fell into the cotton candy machine.  
  
"SUPER CHICKEN! SAVING THE WORLD AGAAAAAIN!" MorbID and Fish yelled triumphantly, happily eating cotton candy and sipping coffee.  
  
"I swear they're crazier than the good doctor himself!" Saavik said to Sam as she took a swig of caffeine. Suddenly, another ride began... in the 'Fairy' section...  
  
"Ga?!" Fish looked up to see a giant pink elephant flying around. 'Nelly the Elephant's Bubble Factory' began. Morb and Fish cowered under the counter of the cotton candy machine. Morb gulped audibly.  
  
"Did you two touch anything?!" Sam asked MorbID and Fish suspiciously. Then, as if by coincidence, Sam caught sight of a shadow in the queue of the Bubble Factory. Then again, with the doctor, nothing was coincidence. "Come on!" Sam grabbed Morb by the neck of her t-shirt and dragged her towards the ride. Saavik grabbed Fish too, but Fish was clinging to the cotton candy machine.  
  
"NOOOOOO!" Fish yelled as Saavik pulled her away from the machine and dragged her towards the ride of 'pinkyness' and elephants.  
  
"NOT THIS! ANYTHING BUT... I MEAN... IT'S SOOOOO... PINK!" MorbID yelled out loud at Sam, equally as distressed as Fish.  
  
"Quit complaining!" Whispered Sam, "There's SOMEONE in here with us! We're not the only ones in the park!" She said to Morb who gulped again, knowing all too well who that SOMEONE was. Fish and MorbID sat in the little boat on the ride with Sam and Saavik. Occasionally, Morb gave a snort of disgust at the little people all dancing around, then she saw the shadow.  
  
"Morb!" Fish hissed as MorbID got out of the boat. Sam and Saavik were looking around. Morb ran through the fire exit. Fish got out of the boat silently and ran through the exit after MorbID, it was a good thing Sam and Saavik weren't watching.  
  
Morb was running in the direction of the giant hedgemaze, Fish finally caught up and tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
"Wha- What do you... think you're doing?!" Fish questioned, gasping for breath.  
  
"I saw HIM, Fish! HE'S here... and don't you DARE feint again!" Morb said, "Looks like he's gone to the maze... he's locked in too." MorbID sighed, Fish just grinned. "What?!"  
  
"Let the games begin!" She declared and grabbed Morb, running for the maze.  
  
"About time too..." Morb added as they jogged.  
  
*~ NELLY THE ELEPHANT'S BUBBLE FACTORY ~*  
  
"Oh no..." Sam groaned, realising that MorbID and Fish were gone.  
  
"Where'd they go this time?" Saavik queried, not at all surprised that the others had run off, the ride was, after all... VERY pink.  
  
Sam got out of the boat and Saavik followed, they went out of the fire exit and looked around. Saavik spotted Fish's leg disappearing around a corner at the hedgemaze.  
  
"You never know, we just might run into old acquaintances here..." Sam joked as they entered the hedgemaze.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
"It was left, right, left, left, right, left... or was it left, right, left, right, right, left?" Fish was trting to work out where MorbID had led them. They had come to a lot of dead ends. Suddenly, MorbID stopped, Fish wlked into her and fell over.  
  
"Hey!" Fish yelped as she tripped.  
  
"Shhhh!" Morb shushed Fish, who was on the floor. There was a rustle to their left, Fish turned her head to look under the hedges, she saw... a pair of feet, wearing a pair of rather expensive looking Nikes, attached to legs! Fish tapped Morb's foot and pointed under the hedge. MorbId dropped to the floor on her stomach and looked at the feet. She grinned with Fish. Morb considered her actions for a second and, because she doesn't have the little voice that tells you to stop, she grinned even more. MorbID's hands shot out and gripped the ankles above the Nikes, she pulled... the person on the other side of the hedges fell to the floor. Morb got up calmly, then yelled, "RUN, FISH!" they both began to sprint about the maze, neither actually knowing where they were going.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Sam and Saavik had been in the maze for five minutes, then they heard it... feet... running... towards them. Sam took the stance of a ninja, Saavik got a twig and brandished it dangerously... Sam stared at the twig, then something, or rather, someone ran into her, grabbed her and pulled her out of the maze. It was MorbID, Fish had done the same with Saavik, who dropped the twig in surprise.  
  
"What ARE you doing now?!" Saavik yelled as Fish dragged her.   
  
"Look!" Fish replied, pointing behind them. Saavik looked back, a very mad looking doctor Lecter was following them, running at full speed like a raging bull.  
  
"POINT TAKEN!" Saavik yelled and let go of Fish, running for a reason now. Fish and Saavik caught up with Morb, still dragging Sam. "Don't look back, just run!" Saavik said to Sam who, naturally, looked back and saw the frightening sight of the good but angry doctor running at them, covered in bits of hedge.   
  
"What did you do now?!" Sam asked as they ran into the 'Ghost' section of the theme park.   
  
"We'll explain later!" Morb said hurriedly as she pulled Sam, Saavik and Fish into the ghost train. Fish ran up to the controls and pressed the 'ON' switch. Suddenly, eerie music filled the rooms and the four all piled into one car. "Oh no..." Morb groaned as she saw the good doctor hop into the end car.  
  
"May I suggest running?" Fish suggested.  
  
"I second that suggestion!" Saavik agreed with Fish.  
  
"You've said that before." Sam noted.  
  
"I second your observation." MorbID agreed with Sam.  
  
"Right... how exactly do we run?" asked a confused Fish, stuck in the corner of the car they were all squished into.  
  
"Erm..." Saavik thought aloud.  
  
"I know!" Morb exclaimed and hit Fish on the head.  
  
"OW! What was that for?!" Fish asked, rubbing her head.  
  
"I dunno..." MorbID shrugged.  
  
"Right!" Fish hit Morb back, she went flying from the car.  
  
"See! It works!!!" MorbID exclaimed triumphantly.  
  
"MorbID you are a genius!" Fish said.  
  
"I know..." Said Morb smugly.  
  
"Wipe that grin off your face, it's not over yet... the doc's coming too!" Sam observed, looking round to see doctor Lecter hopping along the cars, getting nearer. She jumped from the car. Saavik and Fish also leapt from the car. Suddenly, there was a loud cackle and MorbID slowly turned around to came face to face with... A WITCH!   
  
"GAGH!" Morb yelled and fell backwards.  
  
"Oh, come on! It's just a model!" Fish said to MorbID, who stood and began to study the witch.  
  
"Heh... of course it is... I knew that..." Morb said.  
  
The four began to run again. Sam ran ahead and found a fire exit door next to the giant werewolf. Saavik, Fish, MorbID and Sam exited through the exit and half fell, half ran and half flew down the stairs. They stopped at the entrance to the 'Fire' section of the park. 'The Inferno', twice the size of 'The scorpion' above ground and equally huge below ground, loomed over the four Lecterphiles. The doctor was running from ride to ride, cursing and looking for them.  
  
"Little 'philes, Little 'philes, where are you?" he said in a sing-song voice. Sam and Saavik hid behind the fluffy toy stall and began to plot. MorbID grabbed Fish and yanked her up the stairs to the security tower, kicking and yelling all the way. On the monitors in the room, Morb and Fish could see the whole park. It was still deserted. Morb looked at her Robot Rooster watch, Fish looked at her Super Chicken watch.   
  
"Late, isn't it?" MorbID said quietly.  
  
"Indeed it is, my friend, indeed it is." Fish agreed. MorbID studied the controls before her.   
  
"AHA!" she exclaimed and pushed a button. "COME AND GET US, YOU BIG CHCKEN, YOU!" she yelled, voice echoing all around the theme park over the PA system.  
  
"HEY!" came Fish's voice also. Morb still held the button down, so the three on the ground, Lecter, Sam and Saavik stopped their battle and stared at the tower where Fish and MorbID argued... again.  
  
"WHAT?!" Morb asked.  
  
"CHICKEN? WHY NOT A TURKEY?! OR A BURNT DUCK!" Fish suggested.  
  
"OKAY ALREADY! ENOUGH WITH THE BURNT DUCKS!"  
  
"BUT I AM SUPER CHICKEN!"  
  
"SO... wait..." Morb trailed off for a second of thought, "COME AND GET US, YOU BIG ROBOT ROOSTER TURKEY THING, YOU!" her voice ricocheted off the walls of the park and reverberated in everyones ears. The reason her voice had this effect was because the speakers had been strategically place so that everytime an announcement was made, the crowds of many tourists would be deafened.  
  
"EVIL-ROBOT-ROOSTER-LECTER-TURKEY-BURNT-DUCK-THING!" Fish began to go ever so slightly hyper.  
  
"DUDE!!! calm down, okay?" Morb finally let go of the button. All was silent again.  
  
On ground, Lecter resumed his shelter behind the hotdog van while Sam and Saavik hurled soft toys in his direction. Suddenly, an idea hit him, in the form of a teddy bear with the message "I WUV YOU!" on its stomach. Doctor Lecter went into the hotdog van and emerged with mustard and ketchup bottles. Sam and Saavik gulped audibly. Lecter covered a cold hotdog in mustard and began to fire them at Sam and Saavik, who had run out of soft toys. They dived behind the empty stall and listened as hotdogs, then Sam said her trademark line:  
  
"PLAY NICELY CHILDREN!" she yelled above all the splatting noises the hotdogs made. Saavik got an idea then. She jumped up and pointed at the doctor.  
  
"YOU CAN'T THROW AN UNCOOKED HOTDOG! THAT'S NOT RIGHT! AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A CULINARY EXPERT! HE CAN COOK PEOPLE BUT NOT HOTDOGS! THAT IS GREAT!" the doctor got his revenge with a hotdog covered in tomato ketchup, it hit Saavik's t-shirt. "GAGH! I LOVE THIS T-SHIRT! THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!" Saavik went up to the doctor, got the bottle of mustard and squeezed it all over his head. "THERE!" Saavik's grin was wiped from her face when she saw the fuming doctor's eyes, filled with fury under the dripping mustard clinging to his eyebrows. "You know, yellow isn't your colour!" Saavik ran then with Sam and sat on the roof of the crooked house, clinging to the chimney. The doctor approached.  
  
MorbID and Miss Fish were on their way to 'The Inferno', but were stopped dead in their tracks at the sight of sam and Saavik slipping from the roof of the crooked house, the good doctor watched with amusement as they scrambled back to the chimney. "SAM! SAAV!" Morb yelled, waving like a crazed chicken.  
  
"Ah, nice of you to come, Angel Fish and Miss MorbID." the doctor said to them with a crocodile grin.  
  
"It's Miss Fish and MorbID Angel you idiot!" Morb yelled at doctor Lecter, ridding his face of the scary smile.  
  
"That's rude..." the doctor said bluntly and drew his harpy.  
  
"Uh-oh." Fish muttered and grabbed MorbID. Sam and Saavik slid off the roof and ran with MorbID and Fish. Saavik spotted her favourite ride. She pushed the others into 'The Scrambler'.  
  
"GO!" she said to them and climbed into the control booth. The doctor ran into 'The Scrambler' and instantly fell over when Saavik started the ride. MorbID began to pray in the corner. Sam and Fish just sat and drank vanilla coke.  
  
"Eugh!" Morb made a face when 'The Scrambler' picked up speed.  
  
"LOONIES AND CANNIBALS, PLEASE KEEP YOUR LUNCHES TO YOURSELVES!" came Saavik's voice over the loudspeakers. Lecter tried to stand but fell over again. The gates to the park then opened and a flood of late night tourists came in through the park entrance. Suddenly, the ride failed and Fish, MorbID and Lecter were catapulted over the park's walls. Sam flew through the roof of the control booth, KOing both herself and Saavik. Fish and Lecter were also KOed outside, whereas MorbID, on the other hand, was very much awake and ran into the park to get on to 'The Ghost Train'. She repressed the ridiculous urge to sing and instead skipped to the ride and hopped in with the first batch of tourists.  
  
MorbID returned to find Sam, Savik and Fish outside and awake, but the good doctor had disappeared.  
  
"Ummm... what now?" Fish asked, looking around warily.  
  
"Call a taxi and get home quick? Steel will be missing her coffee and if Devil and Ducki have got out of their cells... well..." Sam trailed off.  
  
"Lock ourselves in our cells and sleep!" saavik added.  
  
"AND EAT CHILTON NOODLE SOOOOUUUUUUUP!" Morb sang loudly for some really weird reason. Fish rubbed her ears and looked in her bag for her phone. She threw it to Sam.  
  
"Taxi... call... home." She said simply.  
  
"Right." Sam dialled.   
  
"Hello? Hi, umm... yeah, a taxi for four... uh-huh, at the theme park... yes, i see... yeah, to the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane... yeah... okay... cool beans... Ciao!" Sam hung up and tossed the mobile back to Fish, who put it back into her bag.  
  
"I'll be glad to get home." Morb said cheerfully.  
  
"Yeah... wait... we DID get the unmentionable pink garment of doom exterminated... didn't we?"  
  
"No idea... prbably still there." MorbID shuddered.  
  
"Hiding in the secret panel..." Miss Fish added.  
  
"Secret panel?!" Sam and Saavik chorused.  
  
"Erm... did I say secret panel, MorID?" Fish said with shifty eyes.  
  
"No... you said... umm... sacred camel... yeah, that's it." Morb returned the shifty eyes look to Fish.  
  
"Yeah... that's EXACTLY what I said..." Fish trailed off. The taxi arrived and the four all piled into the back.  
  
"You know where we're headed?" Saavik asked.  
  
"Of course," came a familiar metallic voice as the doors automatically locked, "why wouldn't I?" the driver turned to face them and lowered his sunglasses to reveal maroon eyes, he winked and began to drive. Saavik, Sam, Morb and Fish all gave one loud gulp. Lecter laughed aloud in a maniacal fashion as he drove. The four then grinned evilly and sat back. What was one cannibalistic serial killer against four complete nut cases, crackpots, LOONEYS?!  
  
One thought was on the minds of each occupant of th taxi at that point:  
  
~ THE GAME IS FAR FROM OVER... ~  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
There! that's done... another one? Tell me if i should...  
  
Ducki: the burnt ducks have been an issue of mine for a long time now it's nothing personal... personally, i like duck... it tastes good with pancakes and noodles.  
  
Devil: managed to slip you in there a little bit.  
  
Peking Prawn: if i do another chapter, i may be able to get you in it... i have no idea otherwise.  
  
Thanks to all who have reviewed and to those who will do now...  
  
CANNIBALISTIC FISH/ SHIFTER 


	3. At the Supermarket

To A.Lien, for using the 'Hamybull Leftover' name... I've decided to advertise: READ THE PIZZA CUTTER MASSACRE and PURPLE DINOSAUR!   
  
Woohoo! Hammer-head shark!  
  
Okay, to Peking Prawn and to Devil, I MANAGED TO GET YOU IN IT! Yay! *jig of joy*  
  
And to the three stars for inspiring me to write this, Sam, Saavik and MorbID...  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own doctor Lecter or any other characters owned by Thomas Harris, nor do i own Mr Hopkins or Safeways. Do own Fish, don't own any Lecterphiles mentioned herein...   
  
ENJOY!  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
"You should've bought the Harley." Fish said to Sam as she slammed the door to the Bentley.  
  
"I decided on the Bentley though, in case it's escaped your notice." Sam replied.  
  
"Just because it's doctor Lecter's old Bentley..." Fish walked next to MorbID.  
  
"You did find the site." Morb reminded Fish dutifully, knowing how short Fish's memory had been recently.  
  
"Yeah, but you and Saav told Sam, no. FORCED Sam to get the Bentley." Fish reminded MorbID, knowing how she left giant chunks of information out of things a lot recently.  
  
"COME ON!" Saavik yelled from the entrance to Safeway.   
  
"COMING!" Sam, MorbID and Fish chorused and quickened their pace. Sam and Fish ran for shopping carts and returned. MorbID and Sam had possession of... THE LISTS! Morb and Fish went their way and Sam and Saavik went the other.  
  
"Two years..." Sam mused.  
  
"And three days..." Saavik added, throwing a bag of apples into the cart.  
  
"Six hours!" They both chorused and moved on.  
  
"It's been that long already?" Saavik asked.  
  
"Yep..." Sam replied and began to chuckle.  
  
"What is it?" Saav queried.  
  
"I was just thinking how ironic it'd be if doctor Lecter was in Safeway today."  
  
"It's not impossible." Saavik said, getting cans of vanilla coke for the overlords, I mean moderators at the asylum.  
  
"True." Sam said and proceeded to read the list, "Cake for Morb..."  
  
*~ MORBID AND FISH ~*  
  
The list had been completely ignored. The aisle of cereal was the first stop for the partners in crime. Supermarket staff and confused shoppers looked on in confusion and amusement as MorbID and Miss Fish surfed around on the cereal covering the floor. Morb grabbed a Super Chicken box of cereal and opened it, she looked around in the box.  
  
"Ooh! Look, Fishpants! A shiny magnet from mars!" MorbID held up a shiny silver holographic magnet with a 3D Super Chicken on it.  
  
"WOW!" Fish exclaimed, then "GAGH!" as two bulky security guards restrained her with an oversized carrier bag, using it as a strait-jacket.  
  
"FISHIE! Don't let them ta-" MorbID was cut short by a shot of instant muscle relaxant, she flooped to the floor. The guards literally threw Fish and MorbID from the Safeway store.  
  
*~ SAM AND SAAVIK ~*  
  
"What else?" Sam asked. Saavik had current possession of the list.  
  
"Coffee." came the reply from the tack of DVDs on sale.  
  
"Cool beans." Sam said and dragged Saavik away from the DVDs towards the Coffee and Jell-O aisle. Neither took notice of the shady gentleman in the frozen section, perusing the different cuts of lamb. Not that he was here to buy anything. He saw them and followed from the distance one might leave when in fear of catching the plague.  
  
*~ FISH AND MORBID ~*  
  
"Gaaraar!" Morb exclaimed as Fish literally dragged her friends dead weight across the car park. The muscle relaxant still had considerable effect on MorbID. Fish suddenly had an idea.  
  
"Wait here." she instructed and propped Morb against a wall.  
  
"Laarn! Graag?!" Morb yelled and flooped to the floor once again. Fish returned with another shopping cart and piled MorbID into it. They returned to the store, wary of any security guards lurking about the aisles.  
  
*~ SAM SAAVIK AND 'THAT GUY THAT WAS LOOKING AT THE LAMB' ~*  
  
Sam was looking at the instant coffee while Saavik looked around for giant bags of sugar. Sam could tell that a man stood beside her, looking at coffee also. She could also tell WHO it was by the unmistakable scent of expensive Italian aftershave and... something else.  
  
~ Two years, six days and three hours to zero... time's up ~ Sam thought to herself as she casually moved from the coffee and HIM to look directly at... Jell-O! She grabbed a random packet and moved to the shopping trolley. Sam stole a glance at the back of the figure and could see her suspicions were truths. She hurried with the cart to find Saavik, silently praying that MorbID and Fish were behaving themselves... little did she know what they had gotten themselves into now.  
  
*~ FISH AND THE [STILL] FLOOPY MORBID ~*  
  
"Ganaraal!" MorbID exclaimed and pointed to the instant coffee. The man turned and winked at her, then continued to look about the aisle. Fish was completely oblivious to all of this.  
  
"Coffee? Sam's getting that." Fish informed MorbID. Morb shook her head and made a menacing face, waving her hands for emphasis, making stabbing and biting motions.  
  
"I have no time for charades!" Fish said to MorbID. Morb growled.  
  
"I know Sam can be scary when she's mad but-"   
  
"Ganaraal!" Morb cut Fish off in mid sentence.  
  
"WHAT?!" Fish yelled at Morb, who cowered in her shopping trolley. Fish looked over to the aisle of instant coffee and saw what, or rather WHO MorbID was pointing to. "Oh, you mean Ganaraal..." Fish said to Morb and paled considerably. The WHO vacated the aisle and Fish took Morb and the cart to find Saavik and Sam.  
  
*~ SAM AND SAAVIK ~*  
  
"So, let me get this right, HE is here?" Saavik questioned for the fourteenth time.  
  
"Yes. Doctor Hannibal Lecter is in this very Safeway building." Sam confirmed for the fourteenth time, getting slightly agitated with Saavik's constant repetition of that question.  
  
"So, we should go... like... now..." Saav said worriedly.  
  
"What if he's just here to shop?" Sam shrugged.  
  
"Sure, just to shop... HELLOOOOOO?!" Saavik yelled at Sam, "C... A... N... N... I... B... A... L!" she spelled out to Sam. Saavik was getting a lot of odd looks from shoppers now. Sam just smiled at the gawking shoppers and waved mockingly.  
  
"My friend here has issues." She explained with another smile.  
  
"SAM!" Fish yelled, pushing the shopping cart with MorbID pointing frantically and yelling 'Ganaraal!' at the top of her lungs.  
  
"Fish, we have news-" Sam began but stopped when she saw Morb try to stand, instead she flooped over the side of the cart and on to the floor again. "What's with MorbID?" she asked Fish.  
  
"Muscle relaxant... look, it's not important right now-"  
  
"Gnarl schlab flobb? GNARL SCHLAB FLOBB?!" Morb yelled from the floor.  
  
"One is assuming she means to object to the fact her current situation is unimportant." Sam said matter of factly.  
  
"Rrrright, but-"  
  
"OR, she's running low on caffeine." Saavik mused aloud.  
  
"Can I just-"  
  
"True... although she's probably telling us about specials in the cereal aisle." Sam reasoned.  
  
"Cereal, right." Fish laughed nervously, "Can I just change the subject for a second?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah, sure." Saavik nodded.  
  
"HE is HERE!" Fish exclaimed.  
  
"We know." Sam said casually. Another normal day, another normal shop...  
  
"You do?" Sam nodded her confirmation, "What're we going to do about it?"  
  
"Relax! He's just shopping!" Sam reassured Fish.  
  
"Gnar Phar Laa?" MorbID yelled from the floor again. Fish and Saavik each raised their eyebrows quizzically.  
  
"I'm not even going to attempt to translate that." Sam stated. The quizzical eyebrows were lowered.  
  
"Just shopping? JUST SHOPPING?!" Fish yelled at Sam.   
  
"Narg!" MorbID yelled again, slightly less floopy.  
  
"Rrrrright..." Fish looked confused. She piled Morb back into the cart. When she turned around, a security guard caught sight of the riotous pair.  
  
"Nar- uh-oh." Morb said as she spotted the guard.  
  
"What?" Fish asked as her partner in crime paled. Morb tried her best to form the words 'security guard' to make Fish understand.  
  
"Sefurisy gagh!" MorbID pointed and yelled at the guard.  
  
"'Sefurisy gagh'? What the heck's that supposed to mean?!" Fish questioned. Then she turned to see who Morb was pointing frantically at. "It's just a security guar- oh no." Fish cleared her throat "MorbID, I'd suggest running, but you have the disadvantage of being decidedly... floopy." Fish suddenly began to speed down the aisle and ran [with MorbID in the trolley] towards the frozen section. The cart was stopped abruptly when the person exiting the frozen section approached them. Hannibal Lecter.  
  
"We meet again, Miss Fish." He said in a menacing tone.  
  
"You're forgetting my partner in crime!" Fish reminded him, pointing to MorbID, who was trying to stand in the cart... she was unsuccessful.  
  
"Grarg!" MorbID said pointedly, back in the trolley again.  
  
"What did she say?" the good doctor looked confused [for once].  
  
"I haven't a clue, but hey! I have shopping to do, guards to run from...bye!" with that, Fish and the cart and Morb were off down the aisle of toilet roll [cue maniacal laughter].  
  
*~ SAM AND SAAVIK-- THE CONFUSED ~*  
  
"So, what now?" Sam turned around to see Saavik climbing into their cart. "Ga?" Sam raised her right eyebrow in a decidedly quizzical fashion, the left was lazy and stayed put.  
  
"MorbID made it look like fun!" Saavik explained with a grin as she sat down. Sam sighed.  
  
"Why?" she looked to the ceiling fan on the ceiling, "What have I done to anger the Yahoo gods now?" she asked, giving another sigh. Sam turned and took a deep breath. "It'll be my turn later." she reminded Saavik as they went to go and find Morb and Fish. Sam stopped the trolley when she saw the state of the cereal aisle. Several boxes of Super Chicken cereal lay open and spilled all over the floor.  
  
"Oh no..." Saavik groaned as Sam began to navigate the cart through the sea of 'Super Chicken's Super Crunchy Super Cereal'.  
  
*~ MORBID AND MISS FISH ~*  
  
MorbID couldn't move, she was still floopy. Or so she made it look. When MorbID caught sight of the sugar aisle, she made her mistake.  
  
"CHARGE!" she yelled and stood in the shopping cart.  
  
"Ga?! I thought you were..." Fish trailed off in confusion.  
  
"Erm..." MorbID thought quickly, "Ugh!" she made a face and flooped back into the trolley. Fish shook her head and walked away from the cart. Since Morb still had her eyes closed, she did not realise WHO had possession of the shopping cart now.  
  
"Good afternoon, MorbID Angel. I trust I have the name correct today..." A metallic voice sounded. Morb laughed.  
  
"You'll have to do better than that, Fishbrains!" she said and sat up. As MorbID opened her eyes, she saw the doctor. Due to her VERY slow reaction times, MorbID didn't register who it was straight away. "You look different, Fish." she looked up at the doctor and realised what was going on. "Oh, no you don't! I was the hostage last time!" she yelled, then remembered her manners... sort of, "Erm... I mean... hello, Doc." MorbID jumped from the trolley and bolted for the sugar aisle.  
  
Fish turned to see Morb running towards her with doctor Lecter not far behind. Naturally, she ran. The three landed up in the kitchenware aisle. MorbID grabbed a baking tray and used it as a shield. Doctor Lecter equipped himself with a pack of steak knives. Fish looked around and found... A SPOON!  
  
"Stay there, doctor Lecter!" Fish commanded.  
  
"Or what, Fishbrains?" Fish shot doctor Lecter an evil look... she detested that name.  
  
"Or, erm... I will... gut you with a spoon!" she brandished the spoon dangerously.  
  
"Tell 'em, Fish!" MorbID began to act like a cheerleader with her baking tray. Several shoppers had gone to complain. One shopper, however, watched the battle through the shelves. That shopper was... PEKING PRAWN! Devil rounded the corner, looking through the shelves with Prawn.  
  
"What's up?" she asked Prawn.  
  
"Fishpants and Morb are battling the good doctor with a baking tray and a spoon."  
  
"And doctor Lecter has..." Devil asked.  
  
"Steak knives." suddenly, Peking Prawn broke into a dance and began to sing: "Steak knives!" she sang as she danced around and out of the aisle of cheese.  
  
"Yeah... we should get back to the asylum now... you need to eat some sugar... and I wanna watch Red Dragon!" suddenly, Devil broke into a dance and began to sing: "Pony tails!" she sang as she danced out of the aisle after Prawn.  
  
*~ SAM AND SAAVIK ~*  
  
"You know, shopping carts aren't all that comfortable." Saavik said as she walked beside Sam, the trolley had been left with the rest of the cereal. Sam was looking around for Fish and MorbID. She spotted Peking Prawn and Devilsqt dancing out of the store, singing about steak knives and pony tails. Saavik had not see the entertaining dance and sing-song, she had spotted the doctor with a knife, she drew her new harpy and charged. The doctor heard Saavik and side stepped, Saav ran past him, past Fish and MorbID and hit a CD rack.  
  
"Ow... I'm okay!" she claimed as she sank to the floor. Sam strode over to doctor Lecter, took the knives from him and began to rant.  
  
"We want to SHOP! We have an entire asylum to SHOP for! I put emphasis on the word 'SHOP' because we want to SHOP, not kill anyone! So, put the knife away, go apologise and LET... ME... SHOP!!!" Sam stopped and the doctor cowered. Several other shoppers looked on, waiting to buy baking trays and other kitchenware. One shopper went to Morb and looked at Sam.  
  
"Why is she yelling at him?" the shopper queried.  
  
"He's Hannibal Lecter." MorbID replied.  
  
"Really?!"   
  
"Uh-huh." Mob nodded. The shopper went to the other shoppers and told one, that shopper told the next and so on and so forth. Obviously, the message had become distorted because the last person to hear frowned and looked at doctor Lecter oddly.  
  
"HE'S Hamybull Leftover?!" he asked. Several kids turned around and alerted their parents to the celeb's presence in aisle 4. There was a mad rush, MorbID, Fish, Sam and the newly conscious Saavik were trampled. A crowd had gathered around doctor Lecter.  
  
"What is this?!" the four 'philes heard the doctor's questioning from the centre of the crowd.  
  
"Can we have your autograph, Mr Leftover?!" somebody yelled, holding up a pen and paper.  
  
"Sure." doctor Lecter shrugged and began to sign fake autographs. He kept his eyes on Sam, Saavik, MorbID and Fish, who were shuffling towards the exit.  
  
"We can shop tomorrow." Saavik said.  
  
"Steel's going to have to go without coffee." MorbID said.  
  
"Yeah, let's go." Fish agreed.  
  
"Good idea." Sam added. They went outside and sat in the Bentley. As Sam pulled out of the space, Anthony Hopkins pulled in. The four smiled at the memory of TONY THE PIZZA GUY... when it first wen downhill with Lecter.  
  
*~ SHOPPING WITH THE GOOD DOCTOR ~*  
  
The doctor had five more autographs to sign, then he could go and get revenge on the four mad Lecterphiles. He caught sight of something then. A man walked into the store. Anthony Hopkins... or was it Mason Verger disguised as Anthony Hopkins? Verger's originality was seriously lacking if it was indeed him.  
  
~ Hmmm... ~ the doctor thought for a second ~ one way to find out ~ he signed the last autograph and went around to the aisle Mr Hopkins had just entered. Stealthily, he crept up behind the unknowing actor. The doctor then remembered something Miss Fish had yelled when it all went wrong.  
  
"YOUR FACE!" he startled Mr Hopkins, "IS MADE OF PLASTIC! REMOVE IT AT ONCE!"  
  
"Excuse me?" Tony said, looking very confused indeed.  
  
"You heard me... take it off." Lecter said.  
  
"Do you need help? A psychiatrist perhaps?" Hopkins suggested.  
  
Lecter laughed. "Psychiatrist? I AM a psychiatrist!" he grinned. "Now, I know Mason Verger is there... TAKE THE FACE OFF! YOU DO NOT FOOL ME!" Lecter yelled madly again.  
  
"I don't know WHAT you're talking about." Mr Hopkins said to the madman before him.  
  
"I'll do it myself then!" Lecter drew his harpy. Hopkins paled and ran back to his car. He drove... fast.  
  
~ THAT ~ he thought as he sped off ~ was one hell of an obsessive fan ~  
  
Then, Anthony Hopkins pulled into the space recently vacated by Anthony Hopkins. Lecter ran up to the car and ripped his face off, revealing Mason Verger.  
  
"HA! I KNEW IT!" Lecter exclaimed triumphantly (confused? You will be…), then he knocked Verger out and threw him from the car. Lecter got into the car and began to drive, he had four scores to settle.  
  
*~ SAM, MORBID, FISH AND SAAVIK ~*  
  
The four sat in the Bentley, windows rolled down, stuck in a jam.  
  
"Told you the Harley was better." Fish mumbled.  
  
"How can you fit four of us on one Harley? Hmm? Tell me the answer to that, Miss Smarty-Fish-Pants." Sam asked.  
  
"Nobody said it was impossible." Fish muttered. a car pulled up behind the Bentley then. "Hey! That's Anthony Hopkins' car!" Fish exclaimed.  
  
"And exactly HOW do you know that?" Saavik asked Fish.  
  
"Erm..." Fish muttered the rest. The words: MorbID, Devil and stalking were most noticeable. Sam looked at MorbID with an evil glare, Morb cowered and tried to sink into the seat.  
  
"Wait a minute! That's not Tony!" Saavik exclaimed, "That's... Hannibal Lecter!" All four Lecterphiles began to panic then. There was no way out now.  
  
"Dudes... we should be calm about this." MorbID said.  
  
"True." Fish nodded. "So, what do we do now?" she asked. Fish's question was answered with a knock on her window. "GAGH!" she yelled as she cam face to glass to face with doctor Hannibal 'the cannibal' Lecter.  
  
"I know! On three, we run!" Sam said.  
  
"Okay." Fish agreed shakily.  
  
"One." Sam began.  
  
"Three!" Fish cried as the door to the Bentley was opened by doctor Lecter. The four all ran from the car, except Fish... so technically it was three, but for the sake of your confusion and my sanity, I say four... okay? Anyhow, doctor Lecter slid into the drivers seat and locked the doors. Fish stared at the doctor as if he had giant pink frilly knickers on his head.  
  
"What are you gawking at now?" he asked.  
  
"You get into your old car, in the middle of a traffic jam, hold me hostage... and think you're going to get away with it?"  
  
"Is that it?"  
  
"Well, I did get a weird vision of you with pink underwear on your head, but I'll skip that."  
  
"The answer to your question, before the subject of pink underwear was introduced, is yes... and I will get away with it. Do you really doubt me that much?" he questioned.  
  
"Erm... why'd you ask?" Fish questioned back.  
  
"Quid Pro Quo, little Fish, you wouldn't want the shark to catch you now, would you?" Doctor Lecter turned in his seat.  
  
"Metaphorically speaking... I have no idea as to what the hell you're on about." Fish sat back in the leather seat. They locked gazes. The insanity, the evil, the stupidity and the intellectualness filled the air. Fish hiccoughed, making the doctor chuckle aloud. "WHAT?!" Fish asked again, agitated now.  
  
"Nothing, nothing at all." The good doctor moved the car forward as the lights turned green, then they went red again. The car stopped... again.  
  
"You know, Sam, Saavik and MorbID are probably planning my rescue right now." Fish said to him.  
  
"I doubt that very much." Lecter pointed out of the window at the cafe across the street.  
  
"What the?" Fish stared out the window at Sam, Saavik and Morb, drinking coffee. Morb pointed to the car and the three stood. Morb leapt on to the windshield of the Bentley as it moved again, the doctor turned the windscreen wipers on in an attempt to dislodge her.  
  
"MORBID!" Fish yelled out. Sam and Saavik were yelling at traffic to stop, but to no avail.  
  
"Your friends are brave, little Fish, but I cannot be stopped. I will have my revenge!"   
  
"Yeah... nobody can stop you..." Fish said sarcastically and reached for her phone. Fish dialled THE number. It rang once... twice... three times... four...  
  
"Starling." Came the West Virginian accent.  
  
"Hi, Clarice! This is Fish!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Don't worry. Look, I'm being held hostage by doctor Lecter, in the big jam, city central... I need your help!" Fish whispered down the phone.  
  
"I'll be there." Came the reply, then Starling hung up. Fish put the phone away and just smiled as the doctor drove a little further, nearing the lights. MorbID started hitting the windshield with a coffee mug. When the mug broke, she hopped from the car and returned with a giant stuffed 'Snoopy' toy. She tied the ears to the wing mirrors of the Bentley. One of the mirrors snapped off. The good doctor looked like he was about to explode, MorbID edged away slowly and went to get Sam and Saavik to plan.  
  
"Well... that WAS an effort." Fish joked, nervously laughing.  
  
"Indeed." Doctor Lecter scowled and attempted to drive with the giant stuffed toy stretched across the windscreen. He saw something that made him step on the brakes so hard he went through the windshield and landed on the road outside. Clarice Starling aimed her gun at Lecter, but did not shift her gaze from the giant stuffed 'Snoopy' on the windshield. He stood and looked at his wrecked car. Starling looked back to the doctor, he had a cut on his forehead.  
  
"Come on, Fish!" yelled Saavik.  
  
"Coming." She called and climbed from the hole in the windshield. Fish grabbed the stuffed toy and threw it to MorbID, who got squashed by it somehow. Sam and Saavik watched Lecter and Starling from the cafe across the street. Saavik held a video camera.  
  
"Clarice." doctor Lecter nodded.  
  
"Doctor... what WERE you doing?"  
  
"Revenge, my dear, revenge was all I was doing." he explained in a far away voice.  
  
"I bet. How long have you been attempting this revenge?" Starling questioned, pointing her gun at him. The doctor looked down at his *expensive* Rolex for a second. Saavik dropped the camera.  
  
"A few hours." he replied.  
  
"How many?" she queried more. Lecter looked back at his Rolex.  
  
"Mmmmmmm... Rooooooooolex..." Saavik was drooling on the doctor's watch. Doctor Lecter turned back to Clarice.  
  
"Excuse me for a second." He said and shook Saavik from his watch, he then drew his harpy and proceeded to scrape the drool from the *expensive* timepiece. The doctor turned back to Clarice again, "Four hours... or do you want the time in seconds?" he asked, clearly agitated.  
  
"Four hours? FOUR HOURS?! You've been stalking these poor people for four hours?!" Clarice ranted, waving her gun for emphasis. It occurred to Hannibal Lecter at that moment that women have a tendency to rant a lot, it made them so very much more scary at times.  
  
"And seventeen minutes." He added sheepishly.  
  
"Four and seventeen?! A good thing I came then."  
  
"Oh, there I was thinking you actually cared." Lecter shrugged.  
  
"Fish called me." Clarice informed the doctor.  
  
"Right here!" Fish waved.  
  
"WOOHOO! FISHPANTS!" Suddenly, MorbID and Fish began to do the hand jive simultaneously. They jigged on car roofs and slid across oil on the road, hand jiving all the time. Suddenly, a man dressed as a stereo, a green disco light, a blue disco light, a red disco light and a yellow disco light appeared.  
  
"Celebrate good times, come on! Let's celebrate!" the man dressed as a stereo cried out.  
  
"Woohoo! Party!" yelled the green disco light.  
  
"Woohoo! Do the Macarena!" added the blue disco light.  
  
"Woohoo! Hey, no-one can see us." observed the red disco light.  
  
"Woohoo! Oh yeah. Let's go home." said the yellow disco light. Then, as suddenly as they'd appeared, the disco lights and the man in the stereo suit all disappeared. Clarice and the doctor stared on in confusion.  
  
"Okay, THAT was surreal." Clarice said.  
  
"Read my mind." Sam admitted.  
  
"Indeed," agreed Saavik. MorbID and Fish continued to jive.  
  
"It really wouldn't surprise me if all this madness has something to do with the great Shifter above, on a caffeine high." the doctor said.  
  
"INDEEDY!" came a loud and booming voice from the heavens.  
  
"Tell me that was your stomach." Fish said to Morb as she stopped jiving.  
  
"I'm sure it was just thunder!" MorbID reassured Fish, "from... under... ground?" she stopped jigging as realisation hit. Suddenly, the ground opened beneath Lecter and Starling, swallowing them up in one large gulp that shook the ground. The Bentley fell into the crack and Sam willed way the anger at the loss of her beloved car. A giant shadow then covered the ground and moved around the street before coming together in a hazy form. It spoke then.  
  
"I APOLOGISE." came the voice again.  
  
"For what?!" MorbID and Fish exchanged confused glances.  
  
"FOR ALLOWING THOSE TWO TO ROAM THE WORLD. WHEN MR HARRIS WAS FINISHED WITH THE CHARACTERS, I WAS TO RETURN THEM TO THE ARCHIVES OF THE CRIME AND THRILLER CHARACTER SECTION." the shadow explained to the confused Lecterphiles.  
  
"Why were they here in the first place?" Sam asked, getting ready for another rant. The shadow was silent for a moment, thinking of an excuse.  
  
It was all the fault of the shadow. he'd left the keys in Lecter's cell and he escaped, freeing Clarice Starling from the filing cabinet also. It was a complete disaster. On top of all that, the shadow had slipped on a bar of soap and slid into the broom cupboard just as he was about to catch Lecter. The shadow looked at his 'invisible' watch.  
  
"OH, LOOK AT THE TIME! MUST GO! PLACES TO HAUNT, FICTIONAL CHARACTERS TO CHASE... CIAO!" and the shadow left the street as it had been. MorbID and Saavik were also gone, but only to the abandoned coffee shop, raiding the machines and eating sugar.  
  
"NOW we can get the Harley." Fish said and began to eat sugar also.  
  
"No, NOW we can shop." Sam said to Fish.  
  
"How? We don't have a car." Fish observed.  
  
"True, but I know where to get one."   
  
"Ga?!" Fish exclaimed as Sam bolted into the street, stopping a familiar car. In the car was a VERY distressed Anthony Hopkins.  
  
"Tony! We need a ride to Safeway! Can you take us there?"   
  
"Back there?" Tony shook, "I was nearly killed back there! He wanted my face!"  
  
"He's gone now." Sam reassured the terrified actor.  
  
"Yeah," said MorbID, "gone forever."  
  
"Great! Now, let's go! I need CAFFEINE!" Fish half sang, getting an even more frightened look from Anthony Hopkins. Saavik, Morb and Fish all squished into the back of the car. Sam, the lucky girl she is, got to sit in the front of the car and convince him that he was delusional, and no crazed fan with a knife wanted his face.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
I mean, it's not like Hannibal Lecter would REALLY show up as I type this...  
  
*phone rings*  
  
"Fish and Morb, partners in crime, how can I help you?"  
  
"Is this Shifter? Well hello, Shifter."  
  
*hang up phone*  
  
*get phone book*  
  
*looks up psychiatrists*  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
FINALLY! It's over, finished. The curtain has fallen, unfortunately crushing my evil accomplice assisting me in the burning of homework... *sigh*  
  
Hope you enjoyed the "Trilogy of Madness"... I may extend it, but I do have a few loose ends to catch up on, namely: "The Most Difficult Task". Then a few sequels to things like "Neighbours" and "Relative". Oh well, I'll get round to this again, I'm sure of it...  
  
*salutes*  
  
Cannibalistic Fish/Shifter 


End file.
